Funniest Things I've Heard on TV Lately...

Talk Show host Graham Norton talking to actress Jessica Chastain about the movie "Crimson Peak," "I'm really bad in that," Chastain says. "I'm sure that's not the case," Norton says. "No, I mean I play a real baddie in the film," Chastain explains to the very embarrassed Norton.

"The Muppet Show" - Kermit: "We created a color code alert system to track Piggy's moods. Green, she's calm; we've never been at green. Yellow, she's in tears, which means I'm in tears. With a Code Red if she locks eyes with you, it's already too late."

Bobo: "Screw the mountain bike; my kid's getting a Prius!"

"Doctor Who": phrases printed on those index cards he and Clara were shuffling through:
"I'm very sorry for your loss. I'll do all I can to solve the death of your friend/family member/pet."
"I completely understand why it was difficult not to get captured."
"I didn't mean to imply that I don't care."
"It was my fault, I should have known you didn't live in Aberdeen."
"No one is going to be eaten/vapourised/exterminated/upgraded/possessed/mortally wounded/turned to jelly. We'll all get out of this unharmed."